Why Our Kids Don't Listen - 5 Reasons Why They Tune Us Out

"Did you hear what I said?" "Are you listening to me?" "Why do I have to repeat myself 100 times?" "Do you understand what I am telling you?" "What did I just tell you to do?" "Are you deaf?" If you are tired of trying to communicate with a child who seems to be hard of hearing when we speak, perhaps there are some reasons.
We talk too much We talk too loud Every conversation is a criticism We don't listen when they speak They have trained us to nag

Let's examine these Listening Lessons and see what we can improve:
We talk too much. Loving parents want to do the best for their children so they feel if they tell them all the stories of how they struggled and how they know all the answers, the child will give up and do what we ask. This method of communication is lecture, advise, order and threaten. We talk too loud. We feel that if we raise our voice they will respond. Actually, it is the opposite. When you speak softly, they have to pay attention to what you are saying. Every conversation is a criticism. The parent feels the way to motivate is through blame, shame, name-calling, sarcasm or jokes in order to put the child down. We don't listen when they speak. Good communication in a family, workplace or world is built on mutual respect. That means we allow others to express their beliefs and feeling honestly, without fear of rejection. They have trained us to nag. Why should they pick up their jacket the first time you tell them if they know by experience that you will yell 6 times and then do it yourself?

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Listening to our children and expecting them to listen to us requires concentration and practice. It involves establishing eye contact and a posture that says, "I'm listening." Sometimes, we show we are a good listener by being silent. Sometimes it means a response both verbally and non-verbally. Pay attention to body language and facial expressions.

Closed and Open Communication A closed response is when the listener does not indicate they heard or understood what was said. These responses tend to cut off communication and breeds discouragement. An open response is when the feelings and words of the speaker have been acknowledged and the listener accepts the message. This opens the door to more respectful and reflective listening.

My advice to parents all over the world is: Be firm, but kind. Choose your battles.

You are invited to go to http://www.UseEncouragingWords.com for a free eBook on building confidence in yourself and your children. A full listing of books, workshops, teleclasses and radio shows by Judy H. Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship coach and author are available at webiste and blog.

Why Our Kids Don't Listen - 5 Reasons Why They Tune Us Out

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How To Get Your Talkative Child To Listen

Does this sound familiar? My client wrote in with the following question:

"My daughter is very talkative. She talks to me from the minute she comes home until she goes to sleep at night. Her teachers have mentioned this to me as well. She has friends but I see that they sometimes get annoyed with her. We call her a "motor mouth" and we tell her to be quiet but that doesn't seem to help. How can we handle this situation better?

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There are 3 steps to help your improve your daughter's behavior:

1. Understand her personality:
Everyone has different personalities and character traits. Your daughter is probably extroverted. She needs to think out loud and she likes to connect with people though talking. The real question should be, how can we get her to mull over her ideas quietly and find her ways to connect with others by listening?

2. Use Positive Labels:
We want to avoid name-calling or using negative labels to identify our children. Viewing your child as a "motor mouth" or a "big mouth" influences your perception of her in a harmful way. The more we focus on a child's negative points the more upset we get. We forget to look for solutions. As parents we have the ability to mold our child's personality in positive ways. We also have an obligation to help our children build a good and strong self-image. By using negative labels we can lose sight of that.

Children who are teased, even good naturedly about their attributes may feel criticized. In this environment they get locked into their negative role, i.e. "big mouth." It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you mention how much your daughter talks the more she will talk. She will feel hopeless to change.

To help you view your child in a better light and to give your child a boost to her self-esteem you can use positive labels to describe her. You can say she is social, expressive, assertive, honest, loves people, and a great relater.

3. Reinforce Positive Behavior:
In parenting it is best to remember, "what we mention we strengthen." If we only focus on her negative behaviors we strengthen her negative behaviors. If we focus on her positive behaviors we strengthen her positive behaviors. In this case we want to look for times that she quietly works out her problems and when listen to others. Make sure to point it out to her kindly.

For example:

"You seemed upset about your project for school. I told you to think about it quietly so you can come up with a solution. After a minute of thinking you said that you will ask your teacher if you can do your project with a friend instead of alone."

"I saw you listening when Grandma was telling you about the funny story that happened to her in the supermarket. You didn't interrupt once. It is important to be a good listener."

For more innovative parenting tips like these or to join our workshops come and visit us at http://www.parentingsimply.com.

How To Get Your Talkative Child To Listen

Kids Workshop