Since Hurricane Katrina, we have had a lot of requests to reprint this article, first published immediately after 9/11. For more information on serving children in tragedy, visit this page on our site for an extended version of this article. The information below was intended to help children after the 9/11 tragedy, but will be of help once again to children facing the pain of the recent hurricanes...
Tuesday was a terrible day for the United States. Youth Change Workshops extends it's sympathy to those of you who have lost loved ones in this tragedy.
Kids Workshop
As tough as Tuesday was for adults, it can be even tougher for children. There is no magic formula for assisting children to cope with events that all of us struggle to understand and manage, but here are some basis "do's" and "don'ts" to help guide you to best aid the young people in your world.
SPECIAL POPULATIONS TO NOTICE:
1. Younger Children
Younger children, about ages 5-8, can sometimes understand more than they can process. Many children under age 5 or so, will probably be somewhat spared the brunt of the impact. The abstract concept of death may somewhat elude them, for example. Children who are a bit older may clearly comprehend many aspects of Tuesday's events, but have little ability to manage the feelings that arise. This age group may be especially expected to have nightmares, somatic complaints, sleeping problems, or more difficulty than normal with both everyday and stressful situations.
Do not maintain customary expectations for coping. For example: be more tolerant of somatic complaints and especially avoid comments like "But you can normally be sleep alone!" Provide increased level of nurturing and contact. Most important: assist with coping skills. To do so, make fears concrete and manageable. Example: "It's normal to have trouble sleeping alone after a scary thing happens." Teach the child to limit the time spent thinking about the scary things, and show the child how to distract himself or herself. Encourage verbalizing concerns, and model that with sentences like "I was scared too when I saw the plane hit the building." Do not squelch, limit, or negatively react to any verbalizations of fear, anxiety or stress. Instead, emphasize the normalcy of that reaction.
Concrete action is important for these youngsters who do not always grasp abstract concepts. Have the child collect donations for the Red Cross, help pack blankets to send to New York shelters, or other similar activities. Action can teach these children that sad things happen, but rather than wallow or dwell, we can use our sadness to make the bad situation just a little bit better. That is a valuable lifelong skill for coping.
2. Children in Stress
Children who are already faced troubling times, may have special difficulty when the world becomes turbulent. These children include kids in crisis, children with mental health problems, drug-affected youth, kids from troubled homes, abused kids and others.
As these children face an array of problems, there is no easy, one-size-fits-all answer to give. However, do increase supervision, be ready for deterioration, monitor medications, and be alert for substance abuse and other problematic "coping" methods. Use the strategies noted above for young children, as appropriate. Be especially tuned into thought-disordered and severely depressed youth who so often seriously deteriorate when the world seems far scarier or sadder than usual. Watch for self-harm. Any child who has lived with abuse or other horrible circumstances can be expected to "over-personalize" the situation and "over-react." Be tolerant of these reactions; given the child's pre-existing challenges, these are "normal" reactions to abnormal times.
GENERAL DO'S and DON'T'S
1. BE FLEXIBLE: Be willing to put aside scheduled activities to help kids manage the tragedy-- whether it's "your job" or not to do so. You can't learn or do other activities when profoundly worried, frightened or distracted and neither can kids.
2. REASSURE: Talk about other challenges that this country has faced and how the country surmounted them. For example, if you remember President Kennedy's assassination, talk about how scary that felt to you and how the country overcame the crisis.
3. RELATE: Give specific details from your childhood, such your reaction to the JFK assassination, to show how today's children can overcome today's trauma.
4. BE HONEST, BUT CONCISE: Convey information at an age-appropriate level, but keep it brief, and don't unnecessarily add scary details. Don't sugar-coat it; even kindergartners can read your vibes.
5. LIMIT EXPOSURE TO VIOLENCE: Do not allow children and teens to watch the news nonstop. Be especially thoughtful about their exposure to violent movies, books, games, etc. during this time, especially near bed time or when they must concentrate on learning or another task.
6. STRIVE FOR EVENTUAL CLOSURE: No one really can make sense out of Tuesday, but eventually you may want to help give a sense of closure as best you can. This may mean looking for any good at all that can result, such as our country is now more unified. Or, the closure may be more spiritual or just the acceptance that time brings. Stress that time normally eases most pain.
7. ACCEPTANCE: Troubled kids often act in ways that are problematic. Accept deterioration without blaming. Since the crisis began, you may have noticed that you've had difficulty remembering where you put your car keys, or maybe you've had trouble concentrating at work. This is normal. If I criticize you for losing your car keys, that just exacerbates your situation, doesn't it? Kids can evidence their distress in similar or more dramatic ways. Don't give them additional burdens to bear by downgrading them for their deterioration. It doesn't mean that you accept or permit behavior problems, but that you take into consideration the context as you determine your reaction.
Youth Change is here to help professionals work with traumatized youth. Our contact information is below. Our Live Help is completely free to youth professionals who need us.
When Trauma Strikes Children - What Teachers and Counselors Should and Should Not Do Kids Workshop
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